Here is the news: 14/11/08

Biting the hand that once fed me.

Biting the hand that once fed me.

More news-junkie-action from the uber-news-junkie.  I can’t really foist my peculiar brand of ranty opinionated-ness on the unsuspecting readers at NowPublic, so you’re getting both-barrels.

A quick round-up and of today’s media news, bitch-slapped into one handy package.  Sharpen your knives, and we’ll begin…

Simon Cowell sits on three cushions to look big

Vertically-challenged music mogul Simon Cowell has a telly secret – he sit’s on not one but three cushions to boost his on-screen height, a somewhat bitchy Piers Morgan claimed last night.

Morgan, who sits alongside the Cowell on Britain’s Got Talent, said:  “ If you look carefully, Simon grows between shows. When we’re on Britain’s Got Talent he’s smaller then me, then suddenly his three pillows arrive and he’s taller than me!”

Cowell wears strange trousers and is a bajillionaire.  He can buy Piers Morgan ten-times-over.  He can sit on as many cushions as he likes.  He can hollow-out Sharon Osbourne and use her as a hammock for all anyone cares.

Sugababes on hold for university

Sugababes plan to put their thriving music careers on hold to allow founding member Keisha Buchanan to pursue her dream of going to university.

…Keisha said: “It’s my dream to study at university – I’ve been in Sugababes since I was 12 so I would love the opportunity. We would do our individual projects and come back together stronger than before.”

“We love working and ­writing together so we would come back, even if it was to write for other people.”

Fellow Sugababe Amelle Berrabah gushed: “I’d love to do acting – comedy acting, as people think I’m a bit of a n­utcase anyway!”

But the band’s fans can breathe a sigh of relief, as their break won’t happen for at least another two years…

As it’ll take her that long to re-sit her A-Levels again… and again… and… yeah.  If she left full-time education when she was 12. it’ll take her all her time to graduate school, let along get to Uni.

On-set gossip time: I once filmed these girls and it amazed me how they learned the harmonies to their songs on the day of the gig.  Surely you’d have to learn them to sing on the album?  Unless… wait… is that not them on the album?  Well, that would explain why their in-tune on the album and not on stage (one’s a little sharp, another’s a little flat, the other is more or less on-pitch… more or less).  Their sound engineers had their teeth gritted throught the entire gig.

I’m not even going to speculate on what degree she’ll be doing.  That’s just too easy a target, even for me.

Lethal Weapon 5′ is ‘dead in the water’

Director Richard Donner has claimed that a fifth Lethal Weapon is “dead in the water” after Mel Gibson rejected an offer to return to the franchise.

Speaking to the Los Angeles Times, Donner, who helmed all four Lethal Weapon films, claimed that Gibson had snubbed the proposed fifth movie.

He said: “Mel turned it down. I would like to think that Mel turned it down because I wasn’t involved. Knowing Mel, I would like to think that. Would that be the kind of thing he does? It sure would be.”

Donner also blasted producer Joel Silver for not asking him to return as director, saying: “Joel Silver tried to ace me out of it. He tried to put it together but made sure he didn’t do it until my contract was up. You know, it’s typical of the man. A guy who wasn’t even around at the beginning when we started on the first one. He came in late.”

He added: “The project is pretty much dead in the water unless someone had the sense to come to me.”

Firstly:  thank Jesus, thanks Buddha, thank Allah, thank Krishna, thank… thank every frikkin god in the damn phonebook.  Stop making franchise-killing sequels, you retards!

Secondly: Donner = colossal… egotistical… douchebag.  Can we recind his DGA licence?

Roseanne Barr: ‘A nation run by old men on Viagra’

Comedian Roseanne Barr gets on the Guardian bus and lets rip her views on John McCain and the state of US politics

What?  Barr hasn’t been on telly for 20 years.  There’s a whole generation of people born after her show got axed who are now old enough to vote.  Her opinions mean nothing to them, because they haven’t even heard of her.

Has the world of 24-hour News really burned-through all the other political pundits that they’ve got this far down the list?  Wow.

Coldplay nominated for US awards

Coldplay have been shortlisted in four categories at this year’s American Music Awards (AMA), including artist of the year and best album.

The awards, which are determined by a public vote, will be handed out in Los Angeles on 23 November.

Why?  Why?  Why, god?  Why?  Really.

Do you know anyone who actually buys this shit?  Me neither.

US star Cyrus writes memoir at 15

US pop sensation Miley Cyrus has finished writing a book of her life at the age of 15.

The star of hit TV show Hannah Montana was reportedly paid a seven-figure sum to tell her “inspiring story”.

The daughter of country singer Billy Ray Cyrus has also said she wants to return to the show for a fourth series.

You – get the truck.  You – get the guns.

If only Bill Hicks had lived long enough to get his “Let’s hunt and kill Billy Ray Cyrus” show on TV, this waste of paper would never have happened and the universe would be a happy place, full of pretty flowers, unicorns and rainbows.

Ringo ‘too busy’ for autographs

Former Beatle Ringo Starr will no longer sign memorabilia for fans and will throw away all fan mail he receives in the future, he has said.

Miserable old shit.  I just had to get that off my chest.

And there’s your lot for the day.  I’m off to bed, to cry myself to sleep at the train-crash that is The Meedja.

Was is that bad when I was working in Telly?  Perhaps it was and I was too busy swinging camera-cranes to notice.  Perhaps I worked on some of this shit and was too busy bitching about the catering to realise.

Oh my…


~ by mchawk on 14 October, 2008.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: